In which a review for a perfectly innocent, watchable, charming dog movie becomes a rant about creative freedom, safe vs risky filmmaking, and Disney’s stale, manufactured approach to movies.

Crown Vic has strong performances and some topical observations of modern day police work, but it never goes anywhere interesting enough with them. That, and your enjoyment of it will probably depend on where your politics lie.

Mike Flanagan has made an adaptation that surpasses the Stephen King source material. By staying faithful to the novel, the text’s triumphs become the film’s as well. But so do its problems.

Terminator: Dark Fate is the sixth installment of the franchise, but it's a sequel to only the first two films. This helps streamline its plot, and the establishment of three badass women as the heroes is a welcome change that helps the series reexamine itself and its roots. There's a good bit to enjoy in Dark Fate, but judging by its abysmal box office performance over the weekend, it was too little too late. Consider this franchise terminated.

Parasite is probably the best movie of the entire year, but the only way you should experience it is by going in completely cold. The less you know beforehand, the better. That said, if you at least want to know a tiny bit about it, and if you wanna see how I finally manage to sneak in my love for Linkin Park into one of my reviews, read on. This thing is a masterpiece.

Two of my absolute favorite actors, Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe, stuck in a lighthouse together for weeks on end. Watching the two of them succumb to boredom, madness, and delusions would be completely grueling if it wasn’t also pretty damn funny at points. The Lighthouse is about as auteur as it gets - it’s grand, hallucinatory, and heavily metaphorical - and it’s certainly not gonna be for everyone.

I didn’t realize just how much I missed Eddie Murphy until this movie. He makes a triumphant return in Dolemite is my Name, one of the funniest movies of the past few years. Don’t miss it when it drops on Netflix tomorrow.

Angelina Jolie is as perfect in the role as she can possibly be, and Mistress of Evil is certainly offered more freedom than any other recent live-action Disney movie, but Maleficent is barely given anything to do here until the very end of the messy third act. Which is a problem, because pretty much every other character is dreadfully boring.

I have never seen a movie quite like Jojo Rabbit, and I doubt I ever will again. Wildly hilarious, whimsical and sweet, and devastatingly poignant, it’s a film that resonates especially strong in today’s world. I consider it downright necessary viewing. It’s probably my favorite movie of the entire year.

If you’re lucky / privileged enough to be able to view Gemini Man in its preferred format, it’s a really worthwhile experience. It’s the first major blockbuster to be presented in 3D 4K at 120 frames per second, and it makes for some wild and intense action sequences, among other things. If your local movie theater isn’t able to project the film this way though (most aren’t), then it will be far more apparent that, besides some interesting concepts, the script is sadly lackluster.

In the Tall Grass is the third of four Stephen King movies released this year (much to my joy), and it’s just as solid as all the others we’ve been getting over the past couple of years. Seven people and a dog find themselves trapped in an endless maze consisting of nothing but rows and rows of tall grass somewhere in rural Kansas. What unfolds is a tale of terror, weird time loops, and an ancient evil that’s hidden deep within the field. It’s a lot of fun, and it’s streaming right now on Netflix.

For better or worse, Joker is, surprisingly, not the incendiary embrace of violent incel culture and all the problematic ideology that goes with it that people feared, nor is it the richly layered, gritty, tragic take on an iconic character that writer and director Todd Phillips and fans seem to think it is. Instead, the film is just hollow and devoid of anything that might make it truly interesting.

“I notice you’re wearing a shirt. Is everything okay?” is just one of the zingers Zach Galifianakis shoots at Matthew McConaughey and countless other celebrities is this feature length adaptation of the hilarious web series. This movie knows that all you want to see are the interviews, so it races through its flimsy narrative to get to the good parts. In that respect, Between Two Ferns: The Movie 100% delivers the kind of dry, cringe-inducing comedy that we’ve come to except from Galifianakis. Just don’t expect anything more than that.

Abominable overcomes its bland and generic story with gorgeous animation and a sense of true wonder, magic, and sweetness, making it one of DreamWorks’ better efforts in recent years.

Hustlers is a wild and entertaining true story that’s easily the best thing Jennifer Lopez has done in years. It helps to have a director that knows her strengths and how to cater to them, but more than that it’s just a damn good movie.

The Farewell is both somber and joyous; a melancholy reflection and an uplifting look ahead. It’s about the ways we attempt to accept and understand death and process our grief, and how those ways differ from culture to culture and person to person. I’m giving it my second perfect score of the year - it’s a masterpiece.

Ready or Not is crisp and to the point. A wedding gown-clad Samara Weaving hacks her way through evil rich people who want to hunt her for sport, and it’s a bloody and entertaining time at the movies. Very surface level stuff, but it’s not trying to be anything more than some fun escapism.

Good Boys is basically Superbad (it’s literally produced by the same people) but with tweens instead of teens. The clever and side-splitting raunchiness is there, but wisely scaled back in favor of a story that has a surprising amount of sweetness to it, most likely due to its core cast being made up of 11 and 12 year olds. It’s a tribute to the friends we all had when we were little, and the fact that even though we may drift apart as we grow older, those memories and that bond are forever.

It’s a genuine miracle that this movie exists at all. Nearly twenty years since getting yanked off the airways before it was even two seasons in, Invader Zim has endured as a cult classic for a variety of reasons. Every single one of those reasons are on full display in Enter the Florpus, so much that the movie makes it feel like the beloved series was never cancelled to begin with. It was impossible for me to stop smiling through the whole thing.